some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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