smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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