i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
