Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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