Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
