how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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