he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
