I accidentally had phone sex last night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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