I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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