____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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