and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
