forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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