mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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