The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
