you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
