Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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