Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
