trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
