Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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