Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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