I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
