Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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