I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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