wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
