I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
