So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
