I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
