U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
