should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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