I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I love having hate sex.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
