new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
