I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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