I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
