accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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