yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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