watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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