Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
