hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize