You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
