She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need to calm my uterus...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
