her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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