I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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