id be glad to
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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