My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize