Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
