There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
