Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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