Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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