you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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