Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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