I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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