3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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