His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
