If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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