you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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