if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
