she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
