just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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