you guys were way drunker than both of me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
