Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
