She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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